In life, it seems that there are two kinds of rules. There are those that are set forth by the legislature for the intent of protecting a person from himself and those with whom he may come into contact. These rules – laws – are often under-appreciated and seen as boring and constrictive, but only they have the distinct ability to make some kids with bad hair and worse hygiene say "fuck the man," which is always funny. The other type of rule is created and modified by the same populace it attempts to govern. Condensed, rules of this type are often known as etiquette. Etiquette is an ever-changing, always-suspect form of law that is, quite simply, an attempt by those who have social power to govern those who do not.
Remember when Ashton Kutcher still had people believing that he might have a shred of talent? At that point in time, he had social power. He flexed it, too. Simply because of him, a ridiculous number of white kids with excess spending money spent far too much on hats better placed on a farm or in a truck cab than suburban shopping malls. I've already written my thank-you card to Ashton. This is not meant to sound as though etiquette and social rules don't have any import. They serve an important purpose in life, in that they attempt to set a minimum standard of conduct for commonly occurring situations that involve sharing space with strangers. Etiquette, despite the fact that it often carries a negative or haughty connotation, is to be respected and observed. While it seems cool for some reason for someone to proclaim that they are always themselves, or that they act how they desire to act regardless of the people who surround them or the situation that they're in, this is simply untrue, and probably signifies that the individual making such a pronouncement is even more apt to change their personality or behavior in light of their surroundings. Such a pronouncement is surpassed only by sports cars and Hummers in how transparent they truly are. There are few situations, in particular, that immediately seem most applicable to show how everyone is subject to etiquette, and to show the benefits of our subjectivity.
Imagine, for a second, this exclamation: "Sweet ass!" When, if ever, is this appropriate? In what setting might someone employ such a statement with the expectation of a positive reception? Certainly, a single sex setting seems best suited for such a statement. Do you remember the "10:30, Diet Coke Break" commercial from a few years back that featured the office women congregating at the window to leer at the muscular, sweaty, shirtless construction worker? Yeah, me too, and he was a hunk. In this instance, the women might make such a comment because they felt it, or might make it because they feel they are expected to by the other women. But, imagine a mixed party, such as one of those incredibly awful situations where you're expected to act as though your boyfriend or girlfriend's friends are also your friends, while your friends are actually out somewhere else, laughing at your predicament. If a man were to make such a comment about a woman at one of these times, could he expect a reaction similar to the one expected by the Diet Coke woman? Probably not, even if that woman happened to be his girlfriend. But even within same-sex groups, there is no steadfast rule. Consider a typical (read: stereotypical) sports bar. During a Coors Light commercial, "sweet ass!" would probably earn some acclaim from the crowd, or at least a nodded agreement. You'd be proudly displaying that yes, you are a jackass, but you'd be accepted by the majority nonetheless. Now, the same exclamation, at the same sports bar, only this time, in reference to Nomar Garciaparra while he turns a double play? You'd be no less of a jackass, yet would probably suffer a considerably less accepting reaction from the crowd, right or wrong.
The point I'm attempting to make is that environment dictates behavior: always, and without exception. For 20- and 30-somethings, the most applicable situation, as always, is a bar. For those who are intent on being viewed as a jackass regardless of their behavior, we'll add "dance clubs" to the list as well. To begin, what do you wear when you leave your apartment? Is it an-I'm-coming-home-alone, probably-with-Jaeger-stains-on-my-T-shirt-and-jeans night? Just you and your boys, like last week and the week before that one? If I'm answering, then yes. Are you going out to pick up chicks? Are you slicking back the hair, polishing the gold chain, forgetting to button the top two or three buttons on that sweet silver shirt that lifts the responsibility of announcing that you are indeed, an asshole, away from you? That's dope, brah. Is it a shorts, white socks and gym shoes night? Not planning on getting laid, eh? Or, is it one of those just-me-and-my-girls, we're-sick-of-guys-not-treating-us-right-so-we're-going-to-make-no-effort-whatsoever-to-attract-them nights? That's fine, but a hat doesn't hide anything, and we all know that you're still looking, only this time you're hoping to find that guy who doesn't care that you've made no effort to make yourself presentable, because he sees beauty in the soul. Keep looking, killer, but don't hold your breath. Is it a black pants night tonight? From what I can tell, it usually is, and I'm not complaining. There are very few people who don't put thought into what they plan on wearing when they leave their homes, and those few people who don't are fairly easy to spot, which is not meant to be read in positive way.
|
 |
