I've been told that the fourth of July marks the end of summer.
By whom?
The smiley gang at Old Navy.
Ask any of them: Mark, Kris, Tammy or Craig. They'll point to the bathing suits are clearance then snicker to themselves, “So long board shorts. Hello hoodies,” followed by an evil cackle.
In early June, the evil ones store featured a “Go 4th and Shop” display at each storefront's entrance. A huge cardboard poster featuring that hideous slogan was surrounded by red, white and blue T-shirts, towels, beach bags, volleyballs, footballs, frisbees, mugs, photo albums and flags all piled high, all printed with the American flag and the phrase “Summer 2004.”
And where are those items now?
Clearance.
Why? Because the summer is over, according to Old Navy. Damn Old Navy.
So what to do? Remember the end of May, when you itched to get outside? Remember that feeling and get out to a summer festival before it's too late. Get out of your apartment and check out Chicago's neighborhood festivals guide. You'll find a bounty of fests through September.
I first took the drive two hours to Wisconsin 's Summerfest – I know, Milwaukee isn't Chicago , but a friend of mine had free tickets and I'd never seen Ben Folds, so stay with me – and was swallowed by a swarm of teenyboppers. I wasn't expecting such an open display of gelled hair and earrings from Claire's. The place was so packed with people I felt like I was in high school, stuck in that hallway shuffle between passing periods. And with such close proximity comes the predicted stench of bloated beer breath and unkept armpits. Yes, underage drinking galore.
I slid out of the line for the food stand to buy – what else? – cheese. Rather than cheese, however, Milwaukeeans prefer cheese curd, and prefer to pay $4.75 for it. Boy, was I in for a treat. Not only did I get the equivalent of five of what Chicagoans would call “mozzarella sticks,” but I also had a NyQuil's cup worth of marinara sauce.
I then squirmed my way over to the Piggly Wiggly Stage a half-hour before Ben Folds was to perform. This was a big mistake: People were everywhere, standing on bleachers, picnic tables and overturned garbage cans. I squeezed into the crowd and waited.
After a few songs, I needed some air, so I walked over to the lakefront. In a span of time no longer than five minutes, I witnessed two guys almost getting into a fight, a girl puking over a picnic table, two more guys almost getting into a fight and a different girl puking into a garbage can.
All drunk. All underage.
I went home.
|
