You take Ali by the hand all the while staring at your ex-girlfriend and beat a hasty retreat while Boy George is singing, "Do you really want to hurt me?" over the loudspeakers.

Now what?

Ali has an idea. She puts the two of you in a cab and whispers something into the cabbies ear. She then takes out a handkerchief from her handbag and blindfolds you.

You ask here where she's taking you, but she insists that it's a surprise and your heart is racing partly because of the suspense but also because she's running her hand up and down your leg. After about 15 minutes the cab comes to a stop and the only sound you hear when the door opens is the crashing of waves.

She removes the blindfold as the taxi roars off into the distance. You're on Lake Michigan , somewhere on the far north side. It's quiet and secluded.

"We're going swimming," she tells you.

No, no you can't do that.

Its freezing you tell her, but she's already making her way down to the beach.

Its illegal you tell her, as she shimmies out of her cocktail dress.

What if the bacteria levels are high, you ask as she removes her top, her magnificent breasts smiling at you in the moonlight.

"C'mon, I used to do this all the time growing up," she tells you as she tugs at your shirt, pulling it up over your head.

You undo the top button on your jeans as she takes the first few steps into the water. You let them slide to the ground and kick them off into the sand. You climb out of your boxers and shiver.

You decide to go for it and run into the water with total abandon. It's freezing! It's exhilarating! It's fucking incredible!

It's also not happening. In fact, you're still at Sound-Bar, temporarily daydreaming to escape the fact that your angry ex wants to talk to you. Turn to page 24 and face her like a man.