Instant gratification trumps a glass of wine, so you politely decline and instead insert Jon's phone number into your cell phone and promise to give him a call. While you've got your phone handy, you dial up your favorite Thai restaurant and arrange to have an order of pad Thai sent to your address.

You take your video to the counter and settle up with the clerk who gives you a subtle nod for your choice, but not before asking you to pay a late fee for The Runaway Bride. "My date wanted to see it," you say sheepishly.

Back at home, you check your watch. The restaurant said it would be about 45 minutes to an hour for delivery, and you're horny as hell now so you decide to pop in the video.

After about 15 minutes, Tiffany's tush is indeed everything it's cracked up to be and by now your arm is flexed.

As Tiffany moans in ecstasy, and things start progressing to an enjoyable point, you suddenly hear a voice say, "Did you order some Asian food?" You look up to find your roommate in the doorway jangling his keys in one hand and standing next to the delivery guy who is holding your food. You leap up from the couch struggling to cover your love muscle, but the remote control just isn't doing it. You pull up your pants and embarrassingly zip up, but the laughter from the delivery guy and Tiffany's wails just can't be contained.

THE END