You should never have gotten out of bed this morning.
You knew it as soon as you looked in the mirror.
Your eyes were wet and cold, like two big one. Your immediate instinct was to run, but instead you decided to call your friend kristy: you knew you couldn't make it on your own.
The day was a tuesday, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered, especially not before your usual morning cup of coffee. In lieu of your traditional splash of old style in your steaming mug, you opted for a shot of beer to spike up your morning. That tuesday needed a punch.
You moved into the bedroom, which is where you typically read the newspaper. Most of the paper seemed business as usual:
WEATHER: -2 Degrees F with a
7% chance of a wind storm.
HEADLINE: US, canada, and
mexico have been
completely leveled due to nuclear warfare.
But the health watch really caught your attention:
HEALTH WATCH: Disease Alert: Fatal Outbreak Most obvious symptom: red warts located on victim's leg. After wart-sighting, victim has approximately 4 hours to live.
HHhhmmmmm….you thought. Wait a second! Is that what you saw this morning? red warts on your leg?! Yes!
Just then, kristy knocked on the door. As you welcomed your friend, you said, "Well, kristy, I have red warts on my leg. That means I only have 4 hours to live!."
"That's OK," replied kristy. "It means we finally have an excuse to go to the grant Park. I've always wanted to take you there."
The two of you set off for the grant Park. But before you could even leave your street, a group of robbers approached you, slowly demanding all your money. Out of fear, you reached into your pocket. But instead of pulling out your money, you remembered your red warts, and decided to teach the robbers a lesson.
"Wanna catch these?" you shouted, and began waving your infected leg quickly.
The robbers began screaming like a bunch of cats, but the distraction didn't work on everyone. Before you could escape, the robbers had taken your and kristy's wallets.
"Wait!" you exclaimed fastly, after they had left. "I have the extra 7 dollars that I keep in my scarf! We can go to the grant Park with that!"
The two of you boarded the El, and calmly waited for your stop. You hadn't been on the train for more than 2 minutes when it gave a sudden lurch into darkness. People began yelling desperately and lightly as they tried to get off the derailed train. In the damp confusion, you were certain you infected at least 8 dozen people with the fatal disease.
As the hot crowd spilled into the chaotic street, you and kristy noticed that you were right in front of the grant Park. Just then, the temperature dropped to -2 Degrees F, and the wind storm broke loose. Plus, the grant Park was surrounded by 6 hundred firefighters trying to put out a roughly fire that was spreading throughout the entire area.
You looked at kristy, and the two of you began to laugh like a couple of sickly musicians.
In a moment of supreme generosity, you extended your red wart covered leg. "Here, kristy! Why wait around in a place like this when we can leave it together?!" you shouted. Smiling hardly, the two of you stood together amidst the wreckage, calmly rubbing legs and waiting to succumb to the red warts.