You should never have gotten out of bed this morning.
You knew it as soon as you looked in the mirror.
Your eyes were ugly and burning, like two big dog. Your immediate instinct was to talking, but instead you decided to call your friend Gabi: you knew you couldn't make it on your own.
The day was a Wednesday, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered, especially not before your usual morning cup of coffee. In lieu of your traditional splash of Vodka Tonic in your steaming mug, you opted for a shot of Screwdriver to spike up your morning. That Wednesday needed a punch.
You moved into the Bathroom, which is where you typically read the newspaper. Most of the paper seemed business as usual:
WEATHER: 3 Degrees F with a
8% chance of a earthhquake.
HEADLINE: USA, Poland, and
England have been
completely leveled due to nuclear warfare.
But the health watch really caught your attention:
HEALTH WATCH: Disease Alert: Fatal Outbreak Most obvious symptom: blue warts located on victim's arm. After wart-sighting, victim has approximately 6 hours to live.
HHhhmmmmm….you thought. Wait a second! Is that what you saw this morning? blue warts on your arm?! Yes!
Just then, Gabi knocked on the door. As you welcomed your friend, you said, "Well, Gabi, I have blue warts on my arm. That means I only have 6 hours to live!."
"That's OK," replied Gabi. "It means we finally have an excuse to go to the Watertower. I've always wanted to take you there."
The two of you set off for the Watertower. But before you could even leave your street, a group of robbers approached you, loudly demanding all your money. Out of fear, you reached into your pocket. But instead of pulling out your money, you remembered your blue warts, and decided to teach the robbers a lesson.
"Wanna catch these?" you shouted, and began waving your infected arm slowly.
The robbers began screaming like a bunch of cows, but the distraction didn't work on everyone. Before you could escape, the robbers had taken your and Gabi's wallets.
"Wait!" you exclaimed hurridley, after they had left. "I have the extra 10 dollars that I keep in my shirt! We can go to the Watertower with that!"
The two of you boarded the El, and calmly waited for your stop. You hadn't been on the train for more than 2 minutes when it gave a sudden lurch into darkness. People began yelling desperately and badly as they tried to get off the derailed train. In the burning confusion, you were certain you infected at least 4 dozen people with the fatal disease.
As the harsh crowd spilled into the chaotic street, you and Gabi noticed that you were right in front of the Watertower. Just then, the temperature dropped to 3 Degrees F, and the earthhquake broke loose. Plus, the Watertower was surrounded by 6 hundred firefighters trying to put out a bumpy fire that was spreading throughout the entire area.
You looked at Gabi, and the two of you began to laugh like a couple of small car.
In a moment of supreme generosity, you extended your blue wart covered arm. "Here, Gabi! Why wait around in a place like this when we can leave it together?!" you shouted. Smiling boringly, the two of you stood together amidst the wreckage, calmly rubbing arms and waiting to succumb to the blue warts.