You should never have gotten out of bed this morning.
You knew it as soon as you looked in the mirror.
Your eyes were run and swim, like two big 1. Your immediate instinct was to me, but instead you decided to call your friend katy: you knew you couldn't make it on your own.
The day was a monday, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered, especially not before your usual morning cup of coffee. In lieu of your traditional splash of wine in your steaming mug, you opted for a shot of beer to spike up your morning. That monday needed a punch.
You moved into the office, which is where you typically read the newspaper. Most of the paper seemed business as usual:
WEATHER: -8 Degrees F with a
8% chance of a earthquake.
HEADLINE: new zealand, usa, and
italy have been
completely leveled due to nuclear warfare.
But the health watch really caught your attention:
HEALTH WATCH: Disease Alert: Fatal Outbreak Most obvious symptom: pink warts located on victim's head. After wart-sighting, victim has approximately 5 hours to live.
HHhhmmmmm….you thought. Wait a second! Is that what you saw this morning? pink warts on your head?! Yes!
Just then, katy knocked on the door. As you welcomed your friend, you said, "Well, katy, I have pink warts on my head. That means I only have 5 hours to live!."
"That's OK," replied katy. "It means we finally have an excuse to go to the downtown. I've always wanted to take you there."
The two of you set off for the downtown. But before you could even leave your street, a group of robbers approached you, slurpy demanding all your money. Out of fear, you reached into your pocket. But instead of pulling out your money, you remembered your pink warts, and decided to teach the robbers a lesson.
"Wanna catch these?" you shouted, and began waving your infected head cluttered.
The robbers began screaming like a bunch of bees, but the distraction didn't work on everyone. Before you could escape, the robbers had taken your and katy's wallets.
"Wait!" you exclaimed big, after they had left. "I have the extra 2 dollars that I keep in my shirt! We can go to the downtown with that!"
The two of you boarded the El, and calmly waited for your stop. You hadn't been on the train for more than 45 minutes when it gave a sudden lurch into darkness. People began yelling desperately and big as they tried to get off the derailed train. In the flow confusion, you were certain you infected at least 5 dozen people with the fatal disease.
As the swim crowd spilled into the chaotic street, you and katy noticed that you were right in front of the downtown. Just then, the temperature dropped to -8 Degrees F, and the earthquake broke loose. Plus, the downtown was surrounded by 6 hundred firefighters trying to put out a run fire that was spreading throughout the entire area.
You looked at katy, and the two of you began to laugh like a couple of runs 5.
In a moment of supreme generosity, you extended your pink wart covered head. "Here, katy! Why wait around in a place like this when we can leave it together?!" you shouted. Smiling gross, the two of you stood together amidst the wreckage, calmly rubbing heads and waiting to succumb to the pink warts.