You should never have gotten out of bed this morning.
You knew it as soon as you looked in the mirror.
Your eyes were pretty and Ghostly, like two big trees. Your immediate instinct was to run, but instead you decided to call your friend Scott: you knew you couldn't make it on your own.
The day was a Wednesday, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered, especially not before your usual morning cup of coffee. In lieu of your traditional splash of Old Style in your steaming mug, you opted for a shot of Whiskey to spike up your morning. That Wednesday needed a punch.
You moved into the living room, which is where you typically read the newspaper. Most of the paper seemed business as usual:
WEATHER: -2 Degrees F with a
5% chance of a hurricane.
HEADLINE: Hong kong, America, and
England have been
completely leveled due to nuclear warfare.
But the health watch really caught your attention:
HEALTH WATCH: Disease Alert: Fatal Outbreak Most obvious symptom: black warts located on victim's heart. After wart-sighting, victim has approximately 9 hours to live.
HHhhmmmmm….you thought. Wait a second! Is that what you saw this morning? black warts on your heart?! Yes!
Just then, Scott knocked on the door. As you welcomed your friend, you said, "Well, Scott, I have black warts on my heart. That means I only have 9 hours to live!."
"That's OK," replied Scott. "It means we finally have an excuse to go to the Fulerton. I've always wanted to take you there."
The two of you set off for the Fulerton. But before you could even leave your street, a group of robbers approached you, slow demanding all your money. Out of fear, you reached into your pocket. But instead of pulling out your money, you remembered your black warts, and decided to teach the robbers a lesson.
"Wanna catch these?" you shouted, and began waving your infected heart tight.
The robbers began screaming like a bunch of geese, but the distraction didn't work on everyone. Before you could escape, the robbers had taken your and Scott's wallets.
"Wait!" you exclaimed super, after they had left. "I have the extra 7 dollars that I keep in my pants! We can go to the Fulerton with that!"
The two of you boarded the El, and calmly waited for your stop. You hadn't been on the train for more than 4 minutes when it gave a sudden lurch into darkness. People began yelling desperately and fast as they tried to get off the derailed train. In the fat confusion, you were certain you infected at least 2 dozen people with the fatal disease.
As the beautiful crowd spilled into the chaotic street, you and Scott noticed that you were right in front of the Fulerton. Just then, the temperature dropped to -2 Degrees F, and the hurricane broke loose. Plus, the Fulerton was surrounded by 8 hundred firefighters trying to put out a handsome fire that was spreading throughout the entire area.
You looked at Scott, and the two of you began to laugh like a couple of gross houses.
In a moment of supreme generosity, you extended your black wart covered heart. "Here, Scott! Why wait around in a place like this when we can leave it together?!" you shouted. Smiling tedious, the two of you stood together amidst the wreckage, calmly rubbing hearts and waiting to succumb to the black warts.