You should never have gotten out of bed this morning.
You knew it as soon as you looked in the mirror.
Your eyes were hot and spicy, like two big desks. Your immediate instinct was to sat, but instead you decided to call your friend katie: you knew you couldn't make it on your own.
The day was a monday, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered, especially not before your usual morning cup of coffee. In lieu of your traditional splash of beer in your steaming mug, you opted for a shot of wine to spike up your morning. That monday needed a punch.
You moved into the kitchen, which is where you typically read the newspaper. Most of the paper seemed business as usual:
WEATHER: -9 Degrees F with a
98% chance of a tornado.
HEADLINE: denmark, america, and
spain have been
completely leveled due to nuclear warfare.
But the health watch really caught your attention:
HEALTH WATCH: Disease Alert: Fatal Outbreak Most obvious symptom: red warts located on victim's arm. After wart-sighting, victim has approximately 4 hours to live.
HHhhmmmmm….you thought. Wait a second! Is that what you saw this morning? red warts on your arm?! Yes!
Just then, katie knocked on the door. As you welcomed your friend, you said, "Well, katie, I have red warts on my arm. That means I only have 4 hours to live!."
"That's OK," replied katie. "It means we finally have an excuse to go to the sears tower. I've always wanted to take you there."
The two of you set off for the sears tower. But before you could even leave your street, a group of robbers approached you, sadly demanding all your money. Out of fear, you reached into your pocket. But instead of pulling out your money, you remembered your red warts, and decided to teach the robbers a lesson.
"Wanna catch these?" you shouted, and began waving your infected arm fastly.
The robbers began screaming like a bunch of horses, but the distraction didn't work on everyone. Before you could escape, the robbers had taken your and katie's wallets.
"Wait!" you exclaimed warmly, after they had left. "I have the extra 89 dollars that I keep in my hat! We can go to the sears tower with that!"
The two of you boarded the El, and calmly waited for your stop. You hadn't been on the train for more than 18 minutes when it gave a sudden lurch into darkness. People began yelling desperately and jokingly as they tried to get off the derailed train. In the light confusion, you were certain you infected at least 45 dozen people with the fatal disease.
As the crunchy crowd spilled into the chaotic street, you and katie noticed that you were right in front of the sears tower. Just then, the temperature dropped to -9 Degrees F, and the tornado broke loose. Plus, the sears tower was surrounded by 78 hundred firefighters trying to put out a great fire that was spreading throughout the entire area.
You looked at katie, and the two of you began to laugh like a couple of sharp papers.
In a moment of supreme generosity, you extended your red wart covered arm. "Here, katie! Why wait around in a place like this when we can leave it together?!" you shouted. Smiling calmly, the two of you stood together amidst the wreckage, calmly rubbing arms and waiting to succumb to the red warts.