You should never have gotten out of bed this morning.
You knew it as soon as you looked in the mirror.
Your eyes were hard and bouncy, like two big cocks. Your immediate instinct was to suck, but instead you decided to call your friend Jodie: you knew you couldn't make it on your own.
The day was a Wendsday, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered, especially not before your usual morning cup of coffee. In lieu of your traditional splash of hypnotic in your steaming mug, you opted for a shot of hennesy to spike up your morning. That Wendsday needed a punch.
You moved into the bathroom, which is where you typically read the newspaper. Most of the paper seemed business as usual:
WEATHER: -3 Degrees F with a
9% chance of a tsumani.
HEADLINE: Asia, Malyasia, and
China have been
completely leveled due to nuclear warfare.
But the health watch really caught your attention:
HEALTH WATCH: Disease Alert: Fatal Outbreak Most obvious symptom: red warts located on victim's penis. After wart-sighting, victim has approximately 7 hours to live.
HHhhmmmmm….you thought. Wait a second! Is that what you saw this morning? red warts on your penis?! Yes!
Just then, Jodie knocked on the door. As you welcomed your friend, you said, "Well, Jodie, I have red warts on my penis. That means I only have 7 hours to live!."
"That's OK," replied Jodie. "It means we finally have an excuse to go to the train station. I've always wanted to take you there."
The two of you set off for the train station. But before you could even leave your street, a group of robbers approached you, quickly demanding all your money. Out of fear, you reached into your pocket. But instead of pulling out your money, you remembered your red warts, and decided to teach the robbers a lesson.
"Wanna catch these?" you shouted, and began waving your infected penis steadily.
The robbers began screaming like a bunch of cocks, but the distraction didn't work on everyone. Before you could escape, the robbers had taken your and Jodie's wallets.
"Wait!" you exclaimed already, after they had left. "I have the extra 16 dollars that I keep in my thong! We can go to the train station with that!"
The two of you boarded the El, and calmly waited for your stop. You hadn't been on the train for more than 4 minutes when it gave a sudden lurch into darkness. People began yelling desperately and slowly as they tried to get off the derailed train. In the juicy confusion, you were certain you infected at least 6 dozen people with the fatal disease.
As the wet crowd spilled into the chaotic street, you and Jodie noticed that you were right in front of the train station. Just then, the temperature dropped to -3 Degrees F, and the tsumani broke loose. Plus, the train station was surrounded by 8 hundred firefighters trying to put out a delicate fire that was spreading throughout the entire area.
You looked at Jodie, and the two of you began to laugh like a couple of green sidewalks.
In a moment of supreme generosity, you extended your red wart covered penis. "Here, Jodie! Why wait around in a place like this when we can leave it together?!" you shouted. Smiling tottaly, the two of you stood together amidst the wreckage, calmly rubbing peniss and waiting to succumb to the red warts.