You should never have gotten out of bed this morning.
You knew it as soon as you looked in the mirror.
Your eyes were green and smart, like two big kids. Your immediate instinct was to play, but instead you decided to call your friend joe ko: you knew you couldn't make it on your own.
The day was a tuesday, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered, especially not before your usual morning cup of coffee. In lieu of your traditional splash of jager in your steaming mug, you opted for a shot of vodka to spike up your morning. That tuesday needed a punch.
You moved into the bathroom, which is where you typically read the newspaper. Most of the paper seemed business as usual:
WEATHER: 1 Degrees F with a
78% chance of a flood.
HEADLINE: korea, japan, and
germany have been
completely leveled due to nuclear warfare.
But the health watch really caught your attention:
HEALTH WATCH: Disease Alert: Fatal Outbreak Most obvious symptom: pink warts located on victim's nipple. After wart-sighting, victim has approximately 3 hours to live.
HHhhmmmmm….you thought. Wait a second! Is that what you saw this morning? pink warts on your nipple?! Yes!
Just then, joe ko knocked on the door. As you welcomed your friend, you said, "Well, joe ko, I have pink warts on my nipple. That means I only have 3 hours to live!."
"That's OK," replied joe ko. "It means we finally have an excuse to go to the the fireside. I've always wanted to take you there."
The two of you set off for the the fireside. But before you could even leave your street, a group of robbers approached you, passively demanding all your money. Out of fear, you reached into your pocket. But instead of pulling out your money, you remembered your pink warts, and decided to teach the robbers a lesson.
"Wanna catch these?" you shouted, and began waving your infected nipple rapidly.
The robbers began screaming like a bunch of lions, but the distraction didn't work on everyone. Before you could escape, the robbers had taken your and joe ko's wallets.
"Wait!" you exclaimed gustfully, after they had left. "I have the extra 80 dollars that I keep in my sweater! We can go to the the fireside with that!"
The two of you boarded the El, and calmly waited for your stop. You hadn't been on the train for more than 2 minutes when it gave a sudden lurch into darkness. People began yelling desperately and playfully as they tried to get off the derailed train. In the pretty confusion, you were certain you infected at least 34 dozen people with the fatal disease.
As the petite crowd spilled into the chaotic street, you and joe ko noticed that you were right in front of the the fireside. Just then, the temperature dropped to 1 Degrees F, and the flood broke loose. Plus, the the fireside was surrounded by 6 hundred firefighters trying to put out a round fire that was spreading throughout the entire area.
You looked at joe ko, and the two of you began to laugh like a couple of wet moustaches.
In a moment of supreme generosity, you extended your pink wart covered nipple. "Here, joe ko! Why wait around in a place like this when we can leave it together?!" you shouted. Smiling cunningly, the two of you stood together amidst the wreckage, calmly rubbing nipples and waiting to succumb to the pink warts.