You should never have gotten out of bed this morning.
You knew it as soon as you looked in the mirror.
Your eyes were fun and ugly, like two big dogs. Your immediate instinct was to Ran, but instead you decided to call your friend Megan: you knew you couldn't make it on your own.
The day was a Friday, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered, especially not before your usual morning cup of coffee. In lieu of your traditional splash of beer in your steaming mug, you opted for a shot of margarita to spike up your morning. That Friday needed a punch.
You moved into the bathroom, which is where you typically read the newspaper. Most of the paper seemed business as usual:
WEATHER: -15 Degrees F with a
99% chance of a tornado.
HEADLINE: USA, Netherlands, and
Italy have been
completely leveled due to nuclear warfare.
But the health watch really caught your attention:
HEALTH WATCH: Disease Alert: Fatal Outbreak Most obvious symptom: Green warts located on victim's hand. After wart-sighting, victim has approximately 6 hours to live.
HHhhmmmmm….you thought. Wait a second! Is that what you saw this morning? Green warts on your hand?! Yes!
Just then, Megan knocked on the door. As you welcomed your friend, you said, "Well, Megan, I have Green warts on my hand. That means I only have 6 hours to live!."
"That's OK," replied Megan. "It means we finally have an excuse to go to the Navy Pier. I've always wanted to take you there."
The two of you set off for the Navy Pier. But before you could even leave your street, a group of robbers approached you, swimgly demanding all your money. Out of fear, you reached into your pocket. But instead of pulling out your money, you remembered your Green warts, and decided to teach the robbers a lesson.
"Wanna catch these?" you shouted, and began waving your infected hand lovely.
The robbers began screaming like a bunch of cats, but the distraction didn't work on everyone. Before you could escape, the robbers had taken your and Megan's wallets.
"Wait!" you exclaimed laughingly, after they had left. "I have the extra 75 dollars that I keep in my shirt! We can go to the Navy Pier with that!"
The two of you boarded the El, and calmly waited for your stop. You hadn't been on the train for more than 100 minutes when it gave a sudden lurch into darkness. People began yelling desperately and quickly as they tried to get off the derailed train. In the shiny confusion, you were certain you infected at least 16 dozen people with the fatal disease.
As the yellow crowd spilled into the chaotic street, you and Megan noticed that you were right in front of the Navy Pier. Just then, the temperature dropped to -15 Degrees F, and the tornado broke loose. Plus, the Navy Pier was surrounded by 78 hundred firefighters trying to put out a holy fire that was spreading throughout the entire area.
You looked at Megan, and the two of you began to laugh like a couple of exciting rings.
In a moment of supreme generosity, you extended your Green wart covered hand. "Here, Megan! Why wait around in a place like this when we can leave it together?!" you shouted. Smiling quietly, the two of you stood together amidst the wreckage, calmly rubbing hands and waiting to succumb to the Green warts.