You should never have gotten out of bed this morning.
You knew it as soon as you looked in the mirror.
Your eyes were fun and blue, like two big puppies. Your immediate instinct was to humbling, but instead you decided to call your friend leah: you knew you couldn't make it on your own.
The day was a saturday, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered, especially not before your usual morning cup of coffee. In lieu of your traditional splash of mai tai on the rox in your steaming mug, you opted for a shot of passion fruit lava flow to spike up your morning. That saturday needed a punch.
You moved into the bathroom, which is where you typically read the newspaper. Most of the paper seemed business as usual:
WEATHER: -666 Degrees F with a
666% chance of a tsunami.
HEADLINE: Norway, France, and
Finnland have been
completely leveled due to nuclear warfare.
But the health watch really caught your attention:
HEALTH WATCH: Disease Alert: Fatal Outbreak Most obvious symptom: black warts located on victim's stomach. After wart-sighting, victim has approximately 12 hours to live.
HHhhmmmmm….you thought. Wait a second! Is that what you saw this morning? black warts on your stomach?! Yes!
Just then, leah knocked on the door. As you welcomed your friend, you said, "Well, leah, I have black warts on my stomach. That means I only have 12 hours to live!."
"That's OK," replied leah. "It means we finally have an excuse to go to the Wackar dr. I've always wanted to take you there."
The two of you set off for the Wackar dr. But before you could even leave your street, a group of robbers approached you, lonely demanding all your money. Out of fear, you reached into your pocket. But instead of pulling out your money, you remembered your black warts, and decided to teach the robbers a lesson.
"Wanna catch these?" you shouted, and began waving your infected stomach kindly.
The robbers began screaming like a bunch of cats, but the distraction didn't work on everyone. Before you could escape, the robbers had taken your and leah's wallets.
"Wait!" you exclaimed kindly, after they had left. "I have the extra 666 dollars that I keep in my underwear! We can go to the Wackar dr with that!"
The two of you boarded the El, and calmly waited for your stop. You hadn't been on the train for more than 666 minutes when it gave a sudden lurch into darkness. People began yelling desperately and lonely as they tried to get off the derailed train. In the orange confusion, you were certain you infected at least 555 dozen people with the fatal disease.
As the imaginative crowd spilled into the chaotic street, you and leah noticed that you were right in front of the Wackar dr. Just then, the temperature dropped to -666 Degrees F, and the tsunami broke loose. Plus, the Wackar dr was surrounded by 444 hundred firefighters trying to put out a mused fire that was spreading throughout the entire area.
You looked at leah, and the two of you began to laugh like a couple of desired coats.
In a moment of supreme generosity, you extended your black wart covered stomach. "Here, leah! Why wait around in a place like this when we can leave it together?!" you shouted. Smiling lonely, the two of you stood together amidst the wreckage, calmly rubbing stomachs and waiting to succumb to the black warts.