You should never have gotten out of bed this morning.
You knew it as soon as you looked in the mirror.
Your eyes were dark and sultry, like two big songs. Your immediate instinct was to Bark, but instead you decided to call your friend A-Boy: you knew you couldn't make it on your own.
The day was a Monday, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered, especially not before your usual morning cup of coffee. In lieu of your traditional splash of beer in your steaming mug, you opted for a shot of wine to spike up your morning. That Monday needed a punch.
You moved into the kitchen, which is where you typically read the newspaper. Most of the paper seemed business as usual:
WEATHER: -72 Degrees F with a
190% chance of a hurricane.
HEADLINE: Canada, United States, and
Dominican Republic have been
completely leveled due to nuclear warfare.
But the health watch really caught your attention:
HEALTH WATCH: Disease Alert: Fatal Outbreak Most obvious symptom: Red warts located on victim's little toe. After wart-sighting, victim has approximately 4 hours to live.
HHhhmmmmm….you thought. Wait a second! Is that what you saw this morning? Red warts on your little toe?! Yes!
Just then, A-Boy knocked on the door. As you welcomed your friend, you said, "Well, A-Boy, I have Red warts on my little toe. That means I only have 4 hours to live!."
"That's OK," replied A-Boy. "It means we finally have an excuse to go to the Kirsti' Place. I've always wanted to take you there."
The two of you set off for the Kirsti' Place. But before you could even leave your street, a group of robbers approached you, slowly demanding all your money. Out of fear, you reached into your pocket. But instead of pulling out your money, you remembered your Red warts, and decided to teach the robbers a lesson.
"Wanna catch these?" you shouted, and began waving your infected little toe calmly.
The robbers began screaming like a bunch of cats, but the distraction didn't work on everyone. Before you could escape, the robbers had taken your and A-Boy's wallets.
"Wait!" you exclaimed sadly, after they had left. "I have the extra 24 dollars that I keep in my shirt! We can go to the Kirsti' Place with that!"
The two of you boarded the El, and calmly waited for your stop. You hadn't been on the train for more than 162 minutes when it gave a sudden lurch into darkness. People began yelling desperately and longingly as they tried to get off the derailed train. In the quietly confusion, you were certain you infected at least 426 dozen people with the fatal disease.
As the tinny crowd spilled into the chaotic street, you and A-Boy noticed that you were right in front of the Kirsti' Place. Just then, the temperature dropped to -72 Degrees F, and the hurricane broke loose. Plus, the Kirsti' Place was surrounded by 16 hundred firefighters trying to put out a purple fire that was spreading throughout the entire area.
You looked at A-Boy, and the two of you began to laugh like a couple of dinky telephones.
In a moment of supreme generosity, you extended your Red wart covered little toe. "Here, A-Boy! Why wait around in a place like this when we can leave it together?!" you shouted. Smiling loud, the two of you stood together amidst the wreckage, calmly rubbing little toes and waiting to succumb to the Red warts.