You should never have gotten out of bed this morning.
You knew it as soon as you looked in the mirror.
Your eyes were Skinny and Brown, like two big Cat. Your immediate instinct was to Bash, but instead you decided to call your friend Cassi: you knew you couldn't make it on your own.
The day was a Wednesday, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered, especially not before your usual morning cup of coffee. In lieu of your traditional splash of Vodka in your steaming mug, you opted for a shot of Rum to spike up your morning. That Wednesday needed a punch.
You moved into the 3031, which is where you typically read the newspaper. Most of the paper seemed business as usual:
WEATHER: -369 Degrees F with a
13224% chance of a Tornado.
HEADLINE: Italy, Spain, and
Iceland have been
completely leveled due to nuclear warfare.
But the health watch really caught your attention:
HEALTH WATCH: Disease Alert: Fatal Outbreak Most obvious symptom: Brown warts located on victim's Leg. After wart-sighting, victim has approximately 9 hours to live.
HHhhmmmmm….you thought. Wait a second! Is that what you saw this morning? Brown warts on your Leg?! Yes!
Just then, Cassi knocked on the door. As you welcomed your friend, you said, "Well, Cassi, I have Brown warts on my Leg. That means I only have 9 hours to live!."
"That's OK," replied Cassi. "It means we finally have an excuse to go to the Pizzaria. I've always wanted to take you there."
The two of you set off for the Pizzaria. But before you could even leave your street, a group of robbers approached you, Frantically demanding all your money. Out of fear, you reached into your pocket. But instead of pulling out your money, you remembered your Brown warts, and decided to teach the robbers a lesson.
"Wanna catch these?" you shouted, and began waving your infected Leg Vicariously.
The robbers began screaming like a bunch of Zebras, but the distraction didn't work on everyone. Before you could escape, the robbers had taken your and Cassi's wallets.
"Wait!" you exclaimed Bashfully, after they had left. "I have the extra 7566 dollars that I keep in my Shirt! We can go to the Pizzaria with that!"
The two of you boarded the El, and calmly waited for your stop. You hadn't been on the train for more than 6 minutes when it gave a sudden lurch into darkness. People began yelling desperately and terrifically as they tried to get off the derailed train. In the Stinky confusion, you were certain you infected at least 4 dozen people with the fatal disease.
As the Girly crowd spilled into the chaotic street, you and Cassi noticed that you were right in front of the Pizzaria. Just then, the temperature dropped to -369 Degrees F, and the Tornado broke loose. Plus, the Pizzaria was surrounded by 446 hundred firefighters trying to put out a Pale fire that was spreading throughout the entire area.
You looked at Cassi, and the two of you began to laugh like a couple of Hott apple.
In a moment of supreme generosity, you extended your Brown wart covered Leg. "Here, Cassi! Why wait around in a place like this when we can leave it together?!" you shouted. Smiling Jubilantly, the two of you stood together amidst the wreckage, calmly rubbing Legs and waiting to succumb to the Brown warts.