You should never have gotten out of bed this morning.
You knew it as soon as you looked in the mirror.
Your eyes were Newest and pretty, like two big they. Your immediate instinct was to dad, but instead you decided to call your friend Guy: you knew you couldn't make it on your own.
The day was a Monday, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered, especially not before your usual morning cup of coffee. In lieu of your traditional splash of vodka in your steaming mug, you opted for a shot of gin to spike up your morning. That Monday needed a punch.
You moved into the 704, which is where you typically read the newspaper. Most of the paper seemed business as usual:
WEATHER: 7 Degrees F with a
8% chance of a tsunami.
HEADLINE: France, Indonesia, and
Iran have been
completely leveled due to nuclear warfare.
But the health watch really caught your attention:
HEALTH WATCH: Disease Alert: Fatal Outbreak Most obvious symptom: chartruse warts located on victim's knee. After wart-sighting, victim has approximately 5 hours to live.
HHhhmmmmm….you thought. Wait a second! Is that what you saw this morning? chartruse warts on your knee?! Yes!
Just then, Guy knocked on the door. As you welcomed your friend, you said, "Well, Guy, I have chartruse warts on my knee. That means I only have 5 hours to live!."
"That's OK," replied Guy. "It means we finally have an excuse to go to the Water tower. I've always wanted to take you there."
The two of you set off for the Water tower. But before you could even leave your street, a group of robbers approached you, dry demanding all your money. Out of fear, you reached into your pocket. But instead of pulling out your money, you remembered your chartruse warts, and decided to teach the robbers a lesson.
"Wanna catch these?" you shouted, and began waving your infected knee wet.
The robbers began screaming like a bunch of squirrals, but the distraction didn't work on everyone. Before you could escape, the robbers had taken your and Guy's wallets.
"Wait!" you exclaimed moist, after they had left. "I have the extra 10 dollars that I keep in my scarf! We can go to the Water tower with that!"
The two of you boarded the El, and calmly waited for your stop. You hadn't been on the train for more than 6 minutes when it gave a sudden lurch into darkness. People began yelling desperately and very as they tried to get off the derailed train. In the Never confusion, you were certain you infected at least 12 dozen people with the fatal disease.
As the ugly crowd spilled into the chaotic street, you and Guy noticed that you were right in front of the Water tower. Just then, the temperature dropped to 7 Degrees F, and the tsunami broke loose. Plus, the Water tower was surrounded by 60 hundred firefighters trying to put out a always fire that was spreading throughout the entire area.
You looked at Guy, and the two of you began to laugh like a couple of sometimes Bankers.
In a moment of supreme generosity, you extended your chartruse wart covered knee. "Here, Guy! Why wait around in a place like this when we can leave it together?!" you shouted. Smiling stinky, the two of you stood together amidst the wreckage, calmly rubbing knees and waiting to succumb to the chartruse warts.