You should never have gotten out of bed this morning.
You knew it as soon as you looked in the mirror.
Your eyes were lemony and frigid, like two big saddles. Your immediate instinct was to goes, but instead you decided to call your friend jody watley: you knew you couldn't make it on your own.
The day was a saturnday, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered, especially not before your usual morning cup of coffee. In lieu of your traditional splash of boozey-booze in your steaming mug, you opted for a shot of pink lemonade to spike up your morning. That saturnday needed a punch.
You moved into the , which is where you typically read the newspaper. Most of the paper seemed business as usual:
WEATHER: Degrees F with a
% chance of a .
HEADLINE: uraguay, paraguay, and
france have been
completely leveled due to nuclear warfare.
But the health watch really caught your attention:
HEALTH WATCH: Disease Alert: Fatal Outbreak Most obvious symptom: scarlet blue warts located on victim's nub. After wart-sighting, victim has approximately 4.32211 hours to live.
HHhhmmmmm….you thought. Wait a second! Is that what you saw this morning? scarlet blue warts on your nub?! Yes!
Just then, jody watley knocked on the door. As you welcomed your friend, you said, "Well, jody watley, I have scarlet blue warts on my nub. That means I only have 4.32211 hours to live!."
"That's OK," replied jody watley. "It means we finally have an excuse to go to the the shoe-gazer dive. I've always wanted to take you there."
The two of you set off for the the shoe-gazer dive. But before you could even leave your street, a group of robbers approached you, quickly demanding all your money. Out of fear, you reached into your pocket. But instead of pulling out your money, you remembered your scarlet blue warts, and decided to teach the robbers a lesson.
"Wanna catch these?" you shouted, and began waving your infected nub .
The robbers began screaming like a bunch of , but the distraction didn't work on everyone. Before you could escape, the robbers had taken your and jody watley's wallets.
"Wait!" you exclaimed , after they had left. "I have the extra dollars that I keep in my smock! We can go to the the shoe-gazer dive with that!"
The two of you boarded the El, and calmly waited for your stop. You hadn't been on the train for more than 3462 minutes when it gave a sudden lurch into darkness. People began yelling desperately and slowly as they tried to get off the derailed train. In the blandish confusion, you were certain you infected at least 42 dozen people with the fatal disease.
As the largess crowd spilled into the chaotic street, you and jody watley noticed that you were right in front of the the shoe-gazer dive. Just then, the temperature dropped to Degrees F, and the broke loose. Plus, the the shoe-gazer dive was surrounded by 3868363567546256656424562 hundred firefighters trying to put out a shapely fire that was spreading throughout the entire area.
You looked at jody watley, and the two of you began to laugh like a couple of .
In a moment of supreme generosity, you extended your scarlet blue wart covered nub. "Here, jody watley! Why wait around in a place like this when we can leave it together?!" you shouted. Smiling , the two of you stood together amidst the wreckage, calmly rubbing nubs and waiting to succumb to the scarlet blue warts.