You should never have gotten out of bed this morning.
You knew it as soon as you looked in the mirror.
Your eyes were happy and obstruse, like two big gnomes. Your immediate instinct was to splashing, but instead you decided to call your friend Joc: you knew you couldn't make it on your own.
The day was a friday, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered, especially not before your usual morning cup of coffee. In lieu of your traditional splash of Michalob Light in your steaming mug, you opted for a shot of Don Perigon to spike up your morning. That friday needed a punch.
You moved into the jll, which is where you typically read the newspaper. Most of the paper seemed business as usual:
WEATHER: kjdkl Degrees F with a
k% chance of a dfsw.
HEADLINE: England, France, and
Spain have been
completely leveled due to nuclear warfare.
But the health watch really caught your attention:
HEALTH WATCH: Disease Alert: Fatal Outbreak Most obvious symptom: violet warts located on victim's lips. After wart-sighting, victim has approximately 8 hours to live.
HHhhmmmmm….you thought. Wait a second! Is that what you saw this morning? violet warts on your lips?! Yes!
Just then, Joc knocked on the door. As you welcomed your friend, you said, "Well, Joc, I have violet warts on my lips. That means I only have 8 hours to live!."
"That's OK," replied Joc. "It means we finally have an excuse to go to the Loop. I've always wanted to take you there."
The two of you set off for the Loop. But before you could even leave your street, a group of robbers approached you, luckly demanding all your money. Out of fear, you reached into your pocket. But instead of pulling out your money, you remembered your violet warts, and decided to teach the robbers a lesson.
"Wanna catch these?" you shouted, and began waving your infected lips kdk;.
The robbers began screaming like a bunch of kjdflk, but the distraction didn't work on everyone. Before you could escape, the robbers had taken your and Joc's wallets.
"Wait!" you exclaimed dff, after they had left. "I have the extra dfw dollars that I keep in my sock! We can go to the Loop with that!"
The two of you boarded the El, and calmly waited for your stop. You hadn't been on the train for more than 2 minutes when it gave a sudden lurch into darkness. People began yelling desperately and quickly as they tried to get off the derailed train. In the cranky confusion, you were certain you infected at least 1000 dozen people with the fatal disease.
As the summarily crowd spilled into the chaotic street, you and Joc noticed that you were right in front of the Loop. Just then, the temperature dropped to kjdkl Degrees F, and the dfsw broke loose. Plus, the Loop was surrounded by 24 hundred firefighters trying to put out a cooky fire that was spreading throughout the entire area.
You looked at Joc, and the two of you began to laugh like a couple of kjl/'/ skdfle.
In a moment of supreme generosity, you extended your violet wart covered lips. "Here, Joc! Why wait around in a place like this when we can leave it together?!" you shouted. Smiling dfd, the two of you stood together amidst the wreckage, calmly rubbing lipss and waiting to succumb to the violet warts.